Mrs Dewbridge was flustered. A prospective customer had turned up at her small production unannounced, and from the look of him, his business might finally give her the chance to overtake that trumped-up Mrs Mulberry. She eyed the tall stranger appraisingly and ventured a self-depreciative comment.
“We’re only a small scale production here, sir, but I believe you’ll find our produce of the finest quality.”
“Yes, well, we shall see. You should know that I am surveying other producers as well as I have been having…” he hesitated, wrinkling his nose in distaste, “supply issues.”
Mrs Dewbridge struggled to contain her glee. She knew it! Mrs Mulberry was finally having the supply issues she herself, Mrs Dewbridge, had forecast.
“Ah…” she nodded her head for a moment with an expression I’m sure she fancied gave her a knowledgeable and sympathetic air but in reality made her look more like she had swallowed her bottom teeth. “Yes, I understand some once-reputable outlets are experiencing shortages for which they failed to prepare although they cannot say these shortages were not foreseen. We, however, have refined the harvesting method somewhat so as to guarantee not only long term production, but also consistently higher output per unit with abundantly superior quality.”
“Oh really?” The stranger sat forward slightly in his seat and, encouraged, Mrs Dewbridge became somewhat loquacious.
“Indeed. As I’m sure you know, ever since Gainsborough made the remarkable discovery of the power of tears, there has been much debate as to the best way to harvest this self-replenishing resource. The error our competitors made is a small one, but fundamental to the reason for the superiority of our produce.”
Mrs Dewbridge paused until the customer bid her to continue and launched into her favourite subject.
“You see, the most common method for harvesting tears is pinned on causing trauma to the donor units. Some use verbal stimuli, others physical pain, deprivation and a variety of provocations to induce the flow. Without exception, they find that the tears come in waves, ebbing and flowing, but inevitably dissipating into a tearless despair. At this point they face a choice: 1) they combine the stimuli to attain a new intensity which normally requires spending longer time with the subject and having more staff in attendance, 2) allow the patient time to rest and recover for a period; or 3) find new stock to mine. All of these options cost the company money.
“Despite the development of more efficient tear harvesting equipment, no matter the technological advances in storage, they cannot escape this trend because it is based on a single, fundamental fallacy; and that fallacy is this: that a human being sheds the most tears for itself.
“And so you see our approach is unique. We do not touch our harvesters. We do not deny them food or shelter. We supply all they could ever need so they maintain optimal health and strength. Instead, we turn our attention to a single subject, a subject which we then use to service dozens of producers as stimulus. And thus, rather than spend hours with many patients with multiple staff required to force the stimuli to ever increasing levels, we instead have them exert their speciality on one and have that one visit the rest. We do not harvest the tears from the stimulus-subject, and indeed we find the tears do not last long. However the harvested beings produce greater flow, and often quicker.
“The quickest we’ve ever achieved maximal flow is a mere fifteen seconds from introduction of the stimulus-subject into the producer’s cell. Some of our more sensitive donors can produce consistently high volumes of tears for days before the stimulus has to be reintroduced.
“And so sir, you’ll see that our humble production is far more time and cost efficient with far less detrimental effect on the livestock and, as I’m sure you’ll agree if you’d care to sample. Produces tears far richer, far stronger to the taste with more body and depth than any tears you have ever drunk. And all because here at our establishment we understand that tears shed for oneself are a finite resource, but tears shed for others flow endlessly with the proper stimuli.”
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Dear Reader, if at this point you are wondering at me and my motivations in this, if you yourself weep at the idea of the torture of a few individuals solely to harvest tears, or, worse still, if you scorn the sentimentality of tears of the sensitive, grant me a moment to explain myself. You see I do believe that there is a value in tears. If that value could be harnessed, I do not doubt it would lead to harvesting. Whether that value has a power or not, whether it is merely a seasoning to life like the salt of which it tastes, I leave that to you to decide. I believe in allowing tears for those for whom no tears are shed. I believe that our tears speak in a language we only vaguely understand the meaning of. And I believe that tears can affect outcomes, induce mercy, encourage forgiveness, express compassion.
So you see, dear Reader, I believe in the value of tears. And in a world gone wrong, that value could be harvested, its power could be used against us and could ultimately be an excuse to inflict more suffering, more hardship and oppression.
But do not despair, dear Reader. For I have not finished the tale.
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